Phlegm Phlagm

I'm sick. Wife's sick. Baby's sick.

We're all sick and keeping the generic-brand tissue company in business.

I've blown my nose so hard it's bled a bit.

Everybody and everything is miserable.

But eventually we'll all get better and we will go for walks and enjoy the sunshine and be merry.

Currently I'm sitting on the couch with a tissue corking up my right nostril.

It's amazing how all of those tiny unseeable viruses and bacterium can render us as putrid and repulsive as Jabba the Hut.

...Amazing isn't the word. I think I meant Annoying.

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Marvins Revolt is a band from Copenhagen. Their songs are all angular and stuff, and if you like The Forms or The Evaluation or History Invades then you might dig it. Not unique, but fun like algebra. The only thing that bothers me about the band is the missing apostrophe in their name. Maybe it's a Dane thing.

According to their Myspace they are "no longer active as a band."
Well THAT ruins Christmas.

Free song from their website:
Marvins Revolt - "Organize Your Arms"

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The Academy Awards are on in a couple hours. Big-time award shows like this and the Grammy's are insanely fun to watch while sauced up on your favorite potable of choice. It's all about loudly making fun of all the people who earn more money than you'll ever see in your life, becoming loudly indignant when your nominee pick doesn't win, and loudly pointing out which films and characters you recognize in the montages. Or maybe that's just me. Geez, it must be terrible to watch an award ceremony with me.

Given the slimy state I'm currently in I'll probably won't imbibe, and that means I'm in for a fantastically dull evening. I've hardly seen any of the films. I don't even know who is hosting.
[/quick innernet research]
Ah, yes. Green Goblin, Jr., and Catwoman.
Remember that time Wolverine hosted?

Anyway...

The Duke

1926 - 2011

Phil Phridays! -- Easy Lover

Two Phils for the price of one.

It's easy to forget that at one time Phil Collins and his sleeveless V-neck sweaters ruled the world.

Thoughts On The Feasibility Of Time Travel

I've recently thought about something that has completely ruined any chance I'll ever have of enjoying a movie that involves time travel. Not like Back to the Future was completely realistic to begin with, but still... suspension of disbelief has become extra difficult to suspend.

Consider this:
The Earth is spinning about its axis. Depending where on Earth you're at you are traveling pretty darn fast. If you are on the equator then you are traveling at about 1,000 miles per hour.

The Earth is also doing extremely fast laps around the sun. We're averaging about 67,000 miles per hour (sometimes faster, sometimes slower, thanks to elliptical orbits and whatnot).

That's fast.
But wait! There's more.

The sun itself, as well as the entire solar system, is part of the Milky Way galaxy, a spinning spiral-shaped collection of stars, gas, dust, and debris. We are orbiting the center of the galaxy at about 560,000 miles per hour.

The Milky Way is part of a galactic Local Group comprised of 30 or so galaxies. Our Local Group is hurtling through the universe at about 666,000 miles per hour.

These are just averages. If everything is moving in the same direction at the same time (like the way walking 5 mph forward inside a 30 mph school bus will put you at 35 mph) there is potential for speeds exceeding 1 million miles per hour. That is over 277 miles per second.

The point is we are always moving and we are always moving fast, even if we are just sitting on a couch pecking away at a laptop and thinking about time travel.

Speed is all relative, of course. When we see a guy on a bicycle fly by us we think he is going pretty fast... until a Ferrari passes that bike. Then a low-flying jumbo jet buzzes that Ferrari. Then a rocket-powered space shuttle buzzes that jumbo jet. Suddenly the bicycle doesn't seem to be going all that fast. Thanks, Einstein.

So when we're looking at the big picture, when we're looking at the whole stinking universe, we are absolutely flying through space. Something that travels several hundred thousand miles per hour, in a blink of an eye it is gone. In a blink of an eye we are gone.

With regard to time travel, if we are plotting points in space, something that is there one second will literally be a hundred miles away the very next second. If you're traveling back in time by one second... well, you're going to miss your landing pad. You might end up in the ocean. You might end up in a mountain. You might end up in Earth's outer atmosphere. You'll probably end up dead.

And going one-hundred years back in time... who knows where you'll end up. Somewhere in deep space. Burned instantly in a supernova if you're lucky.

It seems to me that not only do you need a machine to plot points in time, you also need a machine to plot points in space. Maybe the flux capacitor can do this. I don't know. They didn't get into it. It was just invented when Doc Brown hit his head on a toilet.

[I know physicists are trying (have succeeded?) to send photons back in time, but that is dealing with individual subatomic particles, not complicated masses of HUMAN. I'm not going to try to wrap my head around quantum physics anyway. It's pretty messed up. I DON'T GET IT.]

Going forward through time is different. You and I can do that by either closely orbiting a black hole (but stay away from that event horizon!) or by moving nearly as fast as light. No problem.

The speed of light, by the way, is over 670 million miles per hour, or over 186,000 miles per second. But Einstein recognized that time slows down for objects approaching that speed. That is, everything else appears sped up. It's not so much traveling into the future (which we're already doing just by being alive) as it is pressing life's Fast-Forward button.

So maybe traveling at the speed of light stops time? And bypassing it reverses time? I don't know. Apparently it's impossible and you'd be breaking several laws of physics if you succeeded.

I like the wormhole theories. Big tunnels in space and time. Go wherever you want whenever you want. Nice and clean. Your very own Stargate. Don't know how to make one. I'm sure the physicists are on it, accelerating particles, creating miniature black holes.

Anyway, in conclusion, it is easy to forget that Earth isn't the center of the universe. Our globe is a speck in the dust storm of existence, and we are but specks upon that speck.

We are tiny and insignificant.
Practical time travel is impractical.
Have a good night, everybody!

Through distant deeps and skies, behind infinity, below the face of Heaven, He stoops to create me. -- FIF

The Old Familiar Sting

Before getting out of the parked car and going into work I like to listen to one last song to get me jammed up for the day. The radio was generous to me today and gave me "Wynona's Big Brown Beaver," honestly and literally one of the greatest songs of all-time. Also one of the best music videos of all-time. These are non-disputable facts.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aYDfwUJzYQg

I was all WOOOOOOOO
hoo hoo HOO HOO
hooooooo.

But then the radio became too generous and immediately after Primus I got Johnny Cash's cover of "Hurt." This is also one of the greatest songs of all time, so naturally I had to listen to that one too. And I would never ditch Cash.


http://vimeo.com/3104201

But you know what? That is a seriously depressing song. So instead of going into work all revved and singing about cowboys and beavers, I had Johnny Cash's dying voice limping along in regretful warbled circles in my head.

What have I become,
my sweetest friend?
Everyone I know
goes away in the end.

And you could have it all,
my empire of dirt.
I will let you down.
I will make you hurt.

Yeah, awesome song. Awesome soul-crushing song.

This after my V-day post about how much I love sad songs.
Saint Cash answers your prayers and grants your wishes vindictively.

Phil Phridays!

http://www.myspace.com/video/camfromnorway/mama-genesis-phil-collins/4190998

I love this song and video for a few reasons:
- "Mama" is not about anybody's mother, at least not in the usual sense of the word. So at first you're all, "Aww, he's singing about his Mama." Then you're all, "Eww."
- The creepy laughter was inspired by Grandmaster Flash's laughter in "The Message." I can't imagine Phil Collins listening to early rap music, or I can, but it's a quite humorous mental image.
- Regarding the video, it's not just film noir, it's sweaty sweltering Key Largo-esque dark shadowy film noir. All it needs is a fat man.
- Phil Collins can be surprisingly terrifying. All it takes is either a low-angle flashlight or massive door frame back-lighting.

Happy Dead Saint Day

I like the sad songs. I've always liked the sad songs. I'll take a sad song over a happy song always. And I'm not a sad kind of guy. I'm generally in good spirits, I've got a pretty good life, and I'm always in contact with people who kind of like me. I've got a great wife, I've got a great baby. I've got nothing to complain about.

But man, I really dig a sad, sad song.

Somehow they just sound better. Maybe the lyrics are more honest. Maybe the slower tempos better relax me. Maybe I just need something to counteract all the goodness.

Anyway, I know this Valentine's Day there's a lot of sadness going around. That's fine. Broken hearts, lost loves, and general loneliness make for good song fodder. So to all the depressed musicians out there, as long as you're being productive don't try so hard to find happiness. I need something to jam to.

Happy Valentine's Day.
Or not.

Hello Saferide - "Valentine's Day"
The Status - "Happy Valentine's Day"
Frank Black & the Catholics - "Valentine and Garuda"

[The lyrics to that Hello Saferide song are awesome.]
[The snottiness of that The Status song is awesome.]
[Frank Black and his Catholics are awesome.]

This Week In Cool Places That Don't Exist Anymore II

This isn't a regular feature. I just can't think of anything else to post right now.
So... architecture!

This is Griffith Stadium.
The Washington Senators played baseball here from 1911 to 1960 before moving to Minnesota and becoming the Twins.
A new and unimproved Washington Senators played here in 1961 before moving to RFK Stadium the following year. The team later moved to Texas and became the Rangers.
The Washington Redskins played football here from 1937 to 1960 before also moving to RFK.
The stadium was torn down in 1965.

A couple things about the stadium I want to point out. Firstly, the field dimensions were a mess.
The left-field foul pole was actually farther from home plate than the wall in left-center. More notably, though, are the ridiculous angles in center-field. Nowadays when new stadiums feature angles like this it's because the designers are trying to show off. But back in the day the field dimensions were warped out of necessity. Go back to that first picture. You'll notice the wall juts inward because it is guarding a BIG STINKING TREE. Whoever owned that plot of land, as well as the owner of the townhouses next to it, did not want to sell. Obviously they built the stadium anyway. The result was a concave center-field and a short right-field (all areas protected by immensely tall walls).

Secondly, the grandstand was also a mess. In the first picture you can see high awnings and low awnings. Naturally the grandstands around home plate were built first. But when they extended them down the foul lines they built them much taller and actually didn't bother connecting the sections. Check out the gaps.
You'll also note all the people on the field. That was how attendees used to exit stadiums a long time ago (this picture was taken in 1933). It was actually pretty common. I'm sure the grounds crew loved it.

Go to Clem's Baseball for a fantastic and slightly mesmerizing breakdown of the stadium's history.

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Poxy is an adjective either meaning "something rotten" or "having or having had syphilis."
Epoxy is a resin commonly used in adhesives.

Guess which one I have on my fingers right now.

==================================

Tomorrow, if all goes well, we're going to an all-you-can-eat sushi place in Hamilton. It's our Valentine's dinner because nothing says I LOVE YOU like fresh dead fish. I'm also working the night of the actual Valentine's day, which is a bust, so the special occasion had to be bumped up.

I always magically order just the right amount of food at AYCE sushi joints. They charge you for what you don't eat, so you don't want to leave a plate full of expensive endangered super flounder rolls or something. On the other hand if you order too little you feel cheated. So somehow I always end up clearing the table one roll short of a puke party. It's awesome and almost as satisfying as the flavor of the food itself.

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This post needs some music.
Rose of Sharon - "The Shape of Things to Come"
Grand Roses - "The Astronaut"
Rose Blossom Punch - "Beauty"
The Rosewood Thieves - "Lonesome Road"
Sorry, no G'N'R. The halftime show last Sunday kind of put me off of them for a little bit.

New Songs By People I Like

Niels Nielsen has a new song you should listen to (posted just a couple days ago).
http://nielsnielsen.bandcamp.com/track/sun-dazed-railway
Free download, or downloadable for whatever donation you desire.

Also listen to his 2009 album Cmon Vultures Part: 1.
Also free, apart from one track that will cost you a buck and a quarter.

These are the tunes that got me into the guy. I'd be driving down a 400-series highway dodging semis and coppers and a cool-yet-unfamiliar track would pop up on the player. Every time I checked to see who I was listening to it was always Niels Nielsen.


Kathleen Edwards also has two new tracks up on her Myspace (although I have no idea how long they've been there). She's working on a new album and there is absolutely no doubt in my mind it will be as awesome as all her other albums. Perhaps more so. No pressure.

"I Can't Give You Up" is a simple and short and devastating piano-and-voice song. "Lazy Eye" picks up where her last album, Asking For Flowers, left off (that is, on the brink of full emotional collapse). Why does somebody who is so perky and funny in person write and sing such wreck-you-down music? Who cares, just listen.

This Week In Cool Places That Don't Exist Anymore

This is Shibe Park.
Well, it WAS Shibe Park.
Then it was renamed Connie Mack Stadium. Then it was demolished.

The Philadelphia Athletics played baseball here from 1909 to 1954.
The Philadelphia Phillies played baseball here from 1938 to 1970.
It was Major League Baseball's first steel-and-concrete stadium. Stadiums up to that point were made from wood, which tended to burn down. Ironically, Shibe was damaged by fire in 1971 and finally torn down in 1976.

I like the cupola out front. What stadiums have cupolas anymore?
How regal. File under: they don't make 'em like they used to.

Check out THIS SITE that illustrates the evolution (or de-evolution, depending on how you look at it) of the field dimensions between 1909 and 1960. Centerfield was originally 515 feet away, which was crazy far, even for the dead-ball era.


Who likes Norwegian female-fronted goth punk?
I do! I do!
5-song free download from Dark Times

Get the Money

Saturday afternoon.

I get housework done during Saturday afternoons (at least during baseball's off season) because there is nothing on TV. The best thing on TV right now is a Premier League soccer game. I don't watch Premier League soccer. Although, holy cow, Wolverhampton is beating Manchester United (sorry... MAN U) 2-1 at the 40th minute. I may even make it to half time.

Speaking of half times, WON'T THE BLACK EYED PEAS BE AWFUL DURING THE SUPERBOWL TOMORROW? Probably. And I'm going to watch (and criticize) every second of it.

I miss the American Superbowl commercials. It was always an event to sit around with the buddies and laugh at and critique the expensive commercials as they aired. But up here in we only get the same half-dozen Canadian promos over and over. I could watch the commercials on the internet after the game, but it's not quite the same.

This is the only time I gripe about missing commercials.


It's funny to me how I have a glass of water and a glass of cream soda. The cream soda looks like the water, and the water looks like the cream soda, but I promise you, the cream soda does not taste like the water, and the water does not taste like the cream soda.

I guess it's not that funny.


The halftime analysis bored me. Now I'm watching NCAA basketball. Unranked West Virginia and 12th ranked Villanova. Villy is only up by seven with 10:00 left to play, but I suspect they'll extend that lead.

Missouri plays Colorado tonight, but, like almost all Missouri games this season, I probably won't be able to watch it. Something about Southern Ontario's disinterest in Missouri athletics.


Kyle kind of hates the movie "Ghost Dog," but he also kind of doesn't.
Read his review.
Mine will be up shortly.


Cash rules everything around me...

Dollar dollar bill, y'all.

No Time Like Snow Time

SNOWMAGGEDON

SNOWPOCALYPSE

SNOWTORIOUS B.I.G.
SNOWFURKEY

The vengeful wrath of God dropped upon us by way of six-pronged specks of frozen water.

At this point the American Mid-West has already been hit.
I'm just waiting my turn.
Soon. Soon.

Currently I'm watching "Greatest Cities of the World." This particular episode features Griff Rhys Jones in Rome. Rome is one of the most brilliant amazing brilliant cities I've ever been to, and I recommend visiting it at least once, even if you go broke attempting to do so.

Tourists toss 18,000 Euros worth of change into the Trevi fountain every month, according to Mr. Griff.

I have lots to say about Rome, and I'm sure periodically I'll drop uninteresting tidbits from my Roman experiences.

Should I survive winter's impending doom.

Kathleen Edwards - Buffalo